I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
