And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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