laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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