Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
