is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
