I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
