Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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