1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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