Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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