yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
