I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
