I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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