I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
