Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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