just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
