I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
