Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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