oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
