Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
