How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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