We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
