He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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