my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
