twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
