U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
