Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
