No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
