A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
God, I missed his penis.
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