you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
