This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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