I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
