so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
