He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
