Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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