This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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