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• (857): View more from Massachusetts

  He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Yo quero taco bell

  Fav 4 1181 1540

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.

  Fav 7 960 2019

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• (571): View more from Virginia

  final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself

  Fav 70 7382 1213

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• (845): View more from New York

  my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless

  Fav 10 4943 1339

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.

  Fav 3 4127 1143

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.

  Fav 9 4803 1585

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.

  Fav 6 825 494

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?

  Fav 0 480 133

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.

  Fav 0 141 220

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  Terrible idea I love it

  Fav 0 320 74

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???

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• (904): View more from Florida

  No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.

  (386): View more from Florida

  Wow

  Fav 0 23 51

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick

  Fav 0 44 31

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