im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
