New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
