my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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