see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
