If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
