I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
