I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
