my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
