i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
