i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
