just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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