There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's never too late to be topless.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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