the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Randomize
