I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
