remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
