i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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