4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
