You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
