How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This baby is an asshole
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
