Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
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Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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