Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
