Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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