Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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