Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
