She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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