He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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