dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
