Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
