So drunk its hurt
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Randomize
