You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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