This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
