The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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