I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
