Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
