I'm going to jail i love you
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
