I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
