the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
