I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
