One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
