So drunk its hurt
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
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Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?