After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.