and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?