Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move (617): that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame http://tfl.nu/79g6
  Replies (15) Good night (6489) Bad night (604)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?

  (1-210): View more from Texas

  I'll teach you how to wipe better

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Dude why does my asshole itch so bad? (1-210): I'll teach you how to wipe better http://tfl.nu/7pt4
  Replies (11) Good night (455) Bad night (2467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog. http://tfl.nu/8v75
  Replies (27) Good night (738) Bad night (1895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk. http://tfl.nu/32ev
  Replies (21) Good night (5107) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now. http://tfl.nu/lhag
  Replies (41) Good night (1280) Bad night (5873) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning. http://tfl.nu/g9g5
  Replies (19) Good night (8881) Bad night (1030) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible. http://tfl.nu/59e7
  Replies (19) Good night (762) Bad night (3563) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/3cxs
  Replies (20) Good night (3169) Bad night (1083) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth http://tfl.nu/emd7
  Replies (9) Good night (1923) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again. http://tfl.nu/oiv0
  Replies (5) Good night (1151) Bad night (554)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor http://tfl.nu/zkix
  Replies (3) Good night (811) Bad night (341) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours http://tfl.nu/fxl2
  Replies (26) Good night (1427) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth. http://tfl.nu/ynrg
  Replies (2) Good night (1016) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin... http://tfl.nu/zsou
  Replies (2) Good night (183) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now. http://tfl.nu/crnu
  Replies (2) Good night (268) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt

Randomize