i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
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I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
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I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them