It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?