Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
