FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
