Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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