I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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