Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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