I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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